Such important commentary, Josh. In the attempt to normalize what should be abnormal - lack of marriage, the man in the room not being the husband and father, the assumption that husbands and wives are not on the same team but she needs to be protected from him - we have created a warped reality that tells fathers that they are unnecessary. Enjoy your baby and when your wife is able, I hope that she fills out an evaluation form expressing her displeasure. At the moment we are in, her words will count more than yours. But hospitals are (sometimes tragically and sometimes for the good) motivated by ratings.
Great article. It made me think… if we erase the truth of the importance of fathers, we erase the truth of the Creator of the universe. All prayers begin with “Our Father,” or “Heavenly Father.” What we are left with is Mother Nature. (Note: I didn’t capitalize it - spell check did.) Telling, isn’t it?
As someone who advocates for men and boys, and as a man who hopes to become a father soon, I'm grateful both professionally and personally for what you shared here.
Dads are so important. Every time I see a dad and his child out in public, I wonder if I should tell the dad that. But it might seem weird. Maybe I’ll start doing it anyway, though.
I agree with your post, and I’m glad you’re brave enough for the oncoming girl-power man-hating barrage of insults that will surely come. Just know that you’re correct, and all kids want and deserve a good dad.
Feels like a knock-on effect of loss of trust. Not just interpersonal trust, but something more systemic. There’s a broken, cyclical nature to how trust and trustworthiness have been eroded between men and institutions, especially in the context of fatherhood. Feels like this is what is rearing it's head here. Question is, what do men do now?
The world says, “We’ll trust you when you prove it.” But God’s kingdom says, “Start with trust, and watch what it produces.”
Sharing this response to Josh's article from a colleague here in Seattle who's a dad of 3 kids, and who, fortunately, has had really good birth experiences:
This sounds like a frustrating and disempowering experience for the author. I'm sorry he was so ignored and insulted through the birth process. I would agree that there is bias against dads in the hospital system, though the author and I may disagree as to the extent and the reasons why.
I can say that in my own birth experiences (at UW Medical Center Northwest), I was a respected and integral member of the birth team — seen, listened to, and supported in my own right. I still remember so clearly after the birth of our second child, when my wife had been whisked to emergency surgery for serious complications, that a nurse came into the room and sat holding my hand and comforting me while I wept in fear. I remember feeling like a valued patient worth caring for, just like my wife and child.
One need only look at the ever-increasing number of fatherless homes to see how true it is. As is 2023, 24.7 million homes in the US have no fathers. The consequences of that are harsh—greater poverty, poorer educational outcomes for the children, higher rates of criminality and incarceration, etc.
Such important commentary, Josh. In the attempt to normalize what should be abnormal - lack of marriage, the man in the room not being the husband and father, the assumption that husbands and wives are not on the same team but she needs to be protected from him - we have created a warped reality that tells fathers that they are unnecessary. Enjoy your baby and when your wife is able, I hope that she fills out an evaluation form expressing her displeasure. At the moment we are in, her words will count more than yours. But hospitals are (sometimes tragically and sometimes for the good) motivated by ratings.
I speak as a mom (of 4 sons), as a former nurse, and as a healthcare writer: You're absolutely right.
Great article. It made me think… if we erase the truth of the importance of fathers, we erase the truth of the Creator of the universe. All prayers begin with “Our Father,” or “Heavenly Father.” What we are left with is Mother Nature. (Note: I didn’t capitalize it - spell check did.) Telling, isn’t it?
As someone who advocates for men and boys, and as a man who hopes to become a father soon, I'm grateful both professionally and personally for what you shared here.
Great points!
So well said, Josh.
Dads are so important. Every time I see a dad and his child out in public, I wonder if I should tell the dad that. But it might seem weird. Maybe I’ll start doing it anyway, though.
I agree with your post, and I’m glad you’re brave enough for the oncoming girl-power man-hating barrage of insults that will surely come. Just know that you’re correct, and all kids want and deserve a good dad.
Well said.
Feels like a knock-on effect of loss of trust. Not just interpersonal trust, but something more systemic. There’s a broken, cyclical nature to how trust and trustworthiness have been eroded between men and institutions, especially in the context of fatherhood. Feels like this is what is rearing it's head here. Question is, what do men do now?
The world says, “We’ll trust you when you prove it.” But God’s kingdom says, “Start with trust, and watch what it produces.”
Sharing this response to Josh's article from a colleague here in Seattle who's a dad of 3 kids, and who, fortunately, has had really good birth experiences:
This sounds like a frustrating and disempowering experience for the author. I'm sorry he was so ignored and insulted through the birth process. I would agree that there is bias against dads in the hospital system, though the author and I may disagree as to the extent and the reasons why.
I can say that in my own birth experiences (at UW Medical Center Northwest), I was a respected and integral member of the birth team — seen, listened to, and supported in my own right. I still remember so clearly after the birth of our second child, when my wife had been whisked to emergency surgery for serious complications, that a nurse came into the room and sat holding my hand and comforting me while I wept in fear. I remember feeling like a valued patient worth caring for, just like my wife and child.
Blair, I enjoyed your comment almost as much as Josh’s article.
I hope hospitals read both his article and your comment!
You’re right. Did you share this article with the hospital?
https://increditools.com/fatherless-homes-statistics/
My employer changed their leave policy post COVID. Paternity leave was replaced by "secondary caregiver leave."
Good article.
Disagree with this "more often than not, it’s the man who walks away." Any evidence?
It’s a pretty bleak picture: https://behappyfamily.com/which-ethnic-groups-have-dads-who-abandon-their-families-and-never.html
One need only look at the ever-increasing number of fatherless homes to see how true it is. As is 2023, 24.7 million homes in the US have no fathers. The consequences of that are harsh—greater poverty, poorer educational outcomes for the children, higher rates of criminality and incarceration, etc.
I know there are lots of single mums, this is not evidence that the man walked away.
Exactly. A lot of times, the man was driven away by the woman with help of the State - courts, police, lawyers.