I need to save this article. To remind myself of the man I want to be (and that’s a daily reminder). And to put in front of my 3 children when their time comes.
As a young woman this is so refreshing to hear. Thankfully I’m dating a very good man who is wise beyond his years and clearly belongs amongst the few men who plants his foundations in God above all else
You likely won’t stop any marriages with this article, but you will probably encourage more divorces by women who experience this article as another reason for them to “try again for a better man.” Women are told over and over again that if marriage doesn’t feel right then they have a free pass to try again. Until this obvious dynamic is addressed, things are going to just get worse.
Mr Pleasance, I disagree. I am currently unmarried and seeking a spouse and Mr Wood's article has caused me to rethink things with the young man I'm currently seeing who is kind and biblically knowledgeable but who lacks authority figures in his life. Your comment may be true but the spirit of it is discouraging.
R.C. The holy spirit is working through this article and it’s good for you to question if the man you’re choosing is Gods plan or your own. I pray God reveals the answer to you. Sharing my own experience, I gave my life and entire youth to an unmoored man. That is what God has revealed to me through my healing. I will never again be with a man that has not submitted to God.
R.C. - I have a 25 year old married daughter with a seven month old son. I will speak to you in a tone that reflects the example I set for her (crudely, but I did set it).
Your primary task is to become the kind of person who can honor God in the context of marriage. And honoring God in marriage includes large amounts of “putting to death” your evil and ignorant desires, so that they can be replaced by God honoring desires. This is not said enough, but it is true.
I have met with catastrophe in my marriage, yet it is not the end - I get to honor God, and render my duty to Him, in-spite of this catastrophe. There are days when my footsteps are heavy, but there are many when they are light because I did not betray my first love, because of some predictable earthly sins.
It is right and good to obey God. Go forward, be fruitful, and multiply in accordance with the wisdom God has given us. Your goal is not temporal perfection but rather a striving for God. Be encouraged as you endeavor to pick this up and carry it to the finish line.
Sir, I believe the aim of this article, based on the title and content, is to help single women make informed choices before settling down, not a guide for navigating existing marriages. There are many books and articles about the marriage phase itself, and perhaps the author may decide to write something about that. But this article is not that article.
This is such good wise advice - not just for young women, but also for young men thinking about what to aim for. As a parent of both boys and girls I’m saving this!
Live day to day with voluntary self sacrifice, leading by example and with love, to the point he externally identifies that he noticed you going above and beyond. If you fluctuate from good moods to bad due to minor resentment building, the relationship will be torched.
What if you're already married to a man like this? He appeared to be a godly man, and now I've left the marital home for my own safety. He says he wants reconciliation, but won't go to therapy or submit to the men in the church. I don't know what to do next.
I’m not sure what the person below is getting at, but you are not in prison. God gave us free will. If you are not safe in your home, that is cause to leave, permanently if needed. If your husband won’t get help, that is a red flag he doesn’t truly want to change. Many abusers have a pattern of “reconciliation,” but usually go on to be abusive again. This is not a man who is truly committed to God or to a healthy marriage and it is not your work to make him change. It’s not flighty or uncommitted for you to value your own wellbeing by leaving. Ask for help from your community. God loves you, sister. May you be blessed.
You pray constantly and you live by God's word no matter what. Remember that God allowed you to marry him for a purpose so love this man but do not compromise your beliefs, no matter how much he may dislike you for those. Be the best wife you can be but don't try to fix his every mistake to avoid consequences. This is the hardest part. Let him feel the consequences of his failings even if it makes you less than comfortable at times, even if you don't get what you want on any given situation. I once heard of a woman whose husband was a poor leader and did not do the maintenance of the home. One of her pipes was about to burst but he was not doing anything about it. She was super stressed out and her counselor said, “let the pipe burst, don't you run to fix it. Let him do it” . I think this was good advice.
Either he will change some or he will get tired of you and he will leave. That's usually how it goes. Either way, you will be in God's peace and will have learned a lot about yourself and God's power to provide and sustain you. 🙏❤️
What advice would you give to someone in prison? Sometimes we don't have any choices. The only thing we can control is not what we do but how we endure.
In short, I'm very sorry you're in this situation, and you have all my empathy. I'm planning on writing a book on this very topic but it'll be years from now before it's done and I'm afraid that in those years to come you'll have to go through some of the greatest suffering a woman can go through. The only hope I can give you is that the Bible was written for people like you, those suffering, those without choices.
I need to save this article. To remind myself of the man I want to be (and that’s a daily reminder). And to put in front of my 3 children when their time comes.
God knew I needed this article. Thank you so much for writing it!
🫡
As a young woman this is so refreshing to hear. Thankfully I’m dating a very good man who is wise beyond his years and clearly belongs amongst the few men who plants his foundations in God above all else
Thank you so much for this! I wish I had this in my twenties.
This makes so much sense. Thank you for writing and sharing.
Thanks for reading!!
You likely won’t stop any marriages with this article, but you will probably encourage more divorces by women who experience this article as another reason for them to “try again for a better man.” Women are told over and over again that if marriage doesn’t feel right then they have a free pass to try again. Until this obvious dynamic is addressed, things are going to just get worse.
Mr Pleasance, I disagree. I am currently unmarried and seeking a spouse and Mr Wood's article has caused me to rethink things with the young man I'm currently seeing who is kind and biblically knowledgeable but who lacks authority figures in his life. Your comment may be true but the spirit of it is discouraging.
R.C. The holy spirit is working through this article and it’s good for you to question if the man you’re choosing is Gods plan or your own. I pray God reveals the answer to you. Sharing my own experience, I gave my life and entire youth to an unmoored man. That is what God has revealed to me through my healing. I will never again be with a man that has not submitted to God.
R.C. - I have a 25 year old married daughter with a seven month old son. I will speak to you in a tone that reflects the example I set for her (crudely, but I did set it).
Your primary task is to become the kind of person who can honor God in the context of marriage. And honoring God in marriage includes large amounts of “putting to death” your evil and ignorant desires, so that they can be replaced by God honoring desires. This is not said enough, but it is true.
I have met with catastrophe in my marriage, yet it is not the end - I get to honor God, and render my duty to Him, in-spite of this catastrophe. There are days when my footsteps are heavy, but there are many when they are light because I did not betray my first love, because of some predictable earthly sins.
It is right and good to obey God. Go forward, be fruitful, and multiply in accordance with the wisdom God has given us. Your goal is not temporal perfection but rather a striving for God. Be encouraged as you endeavor to pick this up and carry it to the finish line.
Sir, I believe the aim of this article, based on the title and content, is to help single women make informed choices before settling down, not a guide for navigating existing marriages. There are many books and articles about the marriage phase itself, and perhaps the author may decide to write something about that. But this article is not that article.
This is such good wise advice - not just for young women, but also for young men thinking about what to aim for. As a parent of both boys and girls I’m saving this!
What if it's too late, you are already married to the less than ideal man?
Pray for him, incessantly. Read “the proper care and feeding of husbands”
Live day to day with voluntary self sacrifice, leading by example and with love, to the point he externally identifies that he noticed you going above and beyond. If you fluctuate from good moods to bad due to minor resentment building, the relationship will be torched.
Thank you!
What if you're already married to a man like this? He appeared to be a godly man, and now I've left the marital home for my own safety. He says he wants reconciliation, but won't go to therapy or submit to the men in the church. I don't know what to do next.
Sofia Impellizzeri
Sofia Impellizzeri
just now
I’m not sure what the person below is getting at, but you are not in prison. God gave us free will. If you are not safe in your home, that is cause to leave, permanently if needed. If your husband won’t get help, that is a red flag he doesn’t truly want to change. Many abusers have a pattern of “reconciliation,” but usually go on to be abusive again. This is not a man who is truly committed to God or to a healthy marriage and it is not your work to make him change. It’s not flighty or uncommitted for you to value your own wellbeing by leaving. Ask for help from your community. God loves you, sister. May you be blessed.
Thank you, sister.
Would someone give me some advice?
You pray constantly and you live by God's word no matter what. Remember that God allowed you to marry him for a purpose so love this man but do not compromise your beliefs, no matter how much he may dislike you for those. Be the best wife you can be but don't try to fix his every mistake to avoid consequences. This is the hardest part. Let him feel the consequences of his failings even if it makes you less than comfortable at times, even if you don't get what you want on any given situation. I once heard of a woman whose husband was a poor leader and did not do the maintenance of the home. One of her pipes was about to burst but he was not doing anything about it. She was super stressed out and her counselor said, “let the pipe burst, don't you run to fix it. Let him do it” . I think this was good advice.
Either he will change some or he will get tired of you and he will leave. That's usually how it goes. Either way, you will be in God's peace and will have learned a lot about yourself and God's power to provide and sustain you. 🙏❤️
What advice would you give to someone in prison? Sometimes we don't have any choices. The only thing we can control is not what we do but how we endure.
In short, I'm very sorry you're in this situation, and you have all my empathy. I'm planning on writing a book on this very topic but it'll be years from now before it's done and I'm afraid that in those years to come you'll have to go through some of the greatest suffering a woman can go through. The only hope I can give you is that the Bible was written for people like you, those suffering, those without choices.
Saving this to my saved posts
1Co 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.