Divorce harms kids.

The choice we’ve been told not to question.

Divorce is the choice we’ve been told not to question. That must end.

For too long, we’ve accepted a cultural script that treats divorce as a purely personal journey, one where the only concern is adult happiness. The well-being of children has been sidelined. Silenced. Rewritten. We are told that kids are resilient. That love makes a family. Everyone is married to a narcissist and staying together “for the kids” is outdated or even harmful.

But what if the data tells a different story?

A massive new study—one of the most comprehensive to date—tracked over 1 million children across 50 years. The findings are not just compelling. They are devastating.

If you’re a parent, policymaker, pastor, or cultural leader, you need to understand what divorce really does to kids. This isn’t about casting blame. It’s about uncovering truth that has been buried beneath decades of therapeutic slogans and adult-centric decision-making.

The Hard Numbers

The study cites that after divorce, kids face:

• 60% higher risk of teen pregnancy

• 40% higher risk of jail time

• 45% higher risk of early death

• 9–13% lower adult wages

• Lower chances of going to college

These numbers are not slight. They are not anecdotal. They are not cherry-picked from fringe studies. These are real consequences drawn from a half-century of tracking real children across thousands of situations. And they are all compared to children whose parents stayed married.

The difference is not marginal. It is generational.

The Common Rebuttal Doesn’t Hold

Some will respond with what has become a cultural reflex: “An unhappy household is worse than divorce.”

But the study found zero evidence that divorce helps kids. Not a single datapoint suggested that children benefit, emotionally or developmentally, from their parents’ separation.

In fact, the data shows the opposite: the younger a child is at the time of divorce, the worse the outcomes. The earlier the fracture, the deeper the wound. And unlike adults, children do not initiate divorce. They do not vote on it. They do not choose new housing arrangements or weekend custody schedules. But they bear the consequences for life.

Divorce is often framed as an escape for adults. But for children, it’s not an escape. It’s an eruption. A disintegration. A real and measurable trauma.

What Causes This Damage?

It’s not just the divorce itself. It’s the chain reaction that follows:

• Income drops

• Parents live apart

• Kids move to worse neighborhoods

• Stepparents enter

• Stability shatters

These aren’t minor shifts. They blow up a child’s entire world.

The study found that loss of income, time away from each parent, and moving to worse neighborhoods explained up to 60% of the harm. The destabilization of the child’s living environment is not a footnote—it’s a fault line.

And the rest? The remaining 40%?

That’s where we enter the realm of emotional upheaval. Loneliness. Identity confusion. The silent grief of losing a sense of “home” that once felt whole. The breakdown of a child’s inner world is not easily captured by graphs and numbers, but it’s just as real.

The Effects Multiply Over Time

Half of all divorced parents remarry within five years. That means step-parents—and often step-siblings—enter the picture. Each new relational reconfiguration introduces more instability, more adjustment, more emotional risk.

All these household changes further disrupt a child’s sense of belonging, trust, and long-term safety. It doesn’t just change their address. It changes their attachments. It fractures their map of the world.

We talk about childhood as a time of wonder and growth. But when divorce enters the equation, the story often shifts. Suddenly, children become translators between two households. Navigators of tension. Survivors of emotional complexity they never asked for.

Abuse Is a Tragedy. But Most Divorce Isn’t About That.

Let’s be clear: abuse is real. When a child or spouse is in danger, protection must always come first. In those cases, swift separation is a lifeline.

But the vast majority of divorces in America are not high-conflict or violent. They are low-conflict. And in those situations, divorce doesn’t rescue kids. It robs them.

It removes the two people who were supposed to be the most permanent thing in a child’s world. It introduces unpredictability in place of consistency. It substitutes adult autonomy for child security.

The Bottom Line:

Divorce isn’t just a decision that affects parents. It’s a life-altering event for children.

The impact is real, measurable, and lasting.

We must build a society that places the well-being of children above the desires of adults. A society that doesn’t just normalize divorce as an easy out—but treats it with the gravity it deserves.

We need a culture where divorce is tragic and rare. Not casual. Not inevitable. And certainly not unquestioned.

The next generation is watching how we define family, how we resolve conflict, and how we prioritize their needs in the face of our own. Let’s give them a legacy that doesn’t begin with broken promises.

-Josh

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Help us build more strong marriages—and stronger families.

At Them Before Us, we believe that when you protect a child’s right to their mom and dad, you lay the foundation for their emotional, psychological, and social health. But right now, only 50% of kids in the U.S. are raised by their married mother and father to adulthood.

That’s not just a statistic—it’s a generation of kids growing up without the daily presence of the two people who are supposed to love them most.

Our vision is bold and simple:
A world where every child is known and loved by their Mother and Father every day.

But let’s be honest—our culture, our laws, and our technology often prioritize adult desires over children’s needs. We’re here to flip that script.

This month, we’re inviting 50 new monthly donors to step up and help us unlock a $50,000 matching gift—that’s $1,000 for every new monthly donor, no matter the amount.

When you give, you’re helping us fight for the rights of children. You’re joining a movement that says: strong families begin with strong marriages—and kids deserve both a mom and a dad.

Want to do more?
Share your story. Tell us what your mom and dad meant to you. Email us@thembeforeus.com, tag us on social, and use #ANDnotOR to join the movement. Help us remind the world that children aren’t accessories. They’re humans with rights—including the right to their mother and father.

Let’s do this—for the kids.
👉 Learn more, give, or join the campaign here.