I’m not a dad but the part where you mentioned what we do now will determine the faith and values of our grandchildren….you hit the nail. I think and pray over my children’s future spouses and their children all the time!
I was just talking to a friend of mine about our marriages and life with our kids in their 20's. We slid into the topic of dreams and how keeping them alive with our spouse is always important for the strength of the marriage.
At first, my friend set his sights on vacations and travel as his dreams. I told him my definition of dreams is things that are not easily reachable or almost seem impossible. When you have money and can travel, you've accomplished that dream. Now you get to do the traveling. He didn't realize he'd already achieved his dream of financial stability so he was re-asking for an old dream.
So I shared a very personal dream of mine with him. One that Josh and you touched on - grandchildren. I told him that the only "work" I can do to move that dream into a reality is to continually pray about it and continually work on my marriage. At first, my friend scoffed at my dream, but as he started talking about his kids, it began to sink in for him, too. He started to see how we don't have direct control of that outcome. Yet, it's a dream we both would cherish to have come true.
I also shared with him that because I feel like I didn't have a good preparation for parenthood, I unintentionally instilled fear about raising children in my kids by being a poor model (I could have been a lot better, even though friends and family tell me I was amazing - I'm really hard on myself because I don't like bad leadership). This, along with not prioritizing marriage with my wife (after 28 years, we started prioritizing it, and the kids have taken notice in our 30th year). It's not that I want to atone for my sins through my grandchildren; it's that I want to now give my kids the support and information they need to enter marriage and parenthood gracefully and confidently, so they won't feel this regret about their own kids having children.
But the only way to potentially achieve that now is through self-development/growth, marriage development, and prayer. And here's the truth: even if I do that and more, there's no guarantee I'll get even one grandchild. But if I don't put in the effort and have faith, the worst outcome is more likely to happen. So, I'd rather die trying and not see it happen than not try and have a mountain of regret for sitting on the sidelines.
I'll add you to my prayers for those grandchildren.
Wow, thank you for sharing this Bill. I got a little choked up if I'm honest. Like you, I was a little late to the game and also had to re-prioritize. I received the same feedback..."Oh you're a wonderful mother", but when God removed me from my marriage and I started to reflect on the person I was I felt great shame. I had spiritually neglected my children. I didn't really know them. I did everything for them, but didn't see them. I thought on my journey I was only going to process my failures as a wife, but then God said nope....there's much more. But how amazing we serve the God of restoration and transformation. Praise God for the growth/healing in your marriage because it is a sacred treasure. Praise God that it wasn't too late for me to influence my teenage daughter and witness Jesus in her. She said, "Mom, I do want to be a young disciple. I do want to stand out". I don't know what her future is, but right now she stands for the Lord.
Satan unfortunately has a high success rate in destroying marriages and families.....but not yours Bill! May we fall on our swords before we return to our past selves. I say yes and thank you to your prayers for me and my legacy. I will pray for you as well, your marriage, your family, your legacy, and for us to be faithful warriors of Christ.
Powerful words right there, Anne. Very powerful words. 🙏
I hear you about Satan. Just this weekend, he tried to divide my wife and me. Just as she's made huge progress with her self-growth, he tried to send her back into the cave of darkness and despair, and I almost assisted him, but we held strong. I see Satan trying to tear more successes down by removing faith. It's uncanny how folks have said, the more you lean on Christ, the harder Satan tries to pull you away from him.
I thank God He sent you to this world because YOU are an inspiration. Thank you for being here today. May God bless you and all your family.
Ooof... This WISDOM you just dispensed... I just want to cry.
I'm a few years ahead of you, age 56, with my three kids who are in their early and mid-twenties (my wife is my hero for birthing 3 out of 4). And everything, I MEAN EVERYTHING, you just laid out to bare is exactly true. At least for those of us that truly care about family, marriage, and children.
I feel like you just did a highlight reel of my life. Except you didn't take it from mine, you took it from yours, and you projected your future self with some seriously scary accuracy.
It is an honor to find a younger man with the amazing insight that you possess.
I look back and wish, with so much ferocity, that I had a wingman like you during those years. My prayer is that more young men will have mentors and wingmen to help them build strong, long-lasting families. I'm trying to help ones around me, but the catch-22 is what you identified: lack of time. Once you're the new dad in the trenches, there's very little time to slow down and process what's going on in real-time. I think we need to build a pre-dad counseling like we do premarital counseling. It is probably best administered during the full 9 months of the first pregnancy. It would be especially useful even if there's a miscarriage. That happened to my wife and me, and I was left clueless about how to support her. I still remember it like it was yesterday.
Overall, I realize now how very unprepared I was for fatherhood, yet it was something I absolutely looked forward to in my life.
I’m not a dad but the part where you mentioned what we do now will determine the faith and values of our grandchildren….you hit the nail. I think and pray over my children’s future spouses and their children all the time!
Anne - I'm right there with you.
I was just talking to a friend of mine about our marriages and life with our kids in their 20's. We slid into the topic of dreams and how keeping them alive with our spouse is always important for the strength of the marriage.
At first, my friend set his sights on vacations and travel as his dreams. I told him my definition of dreams is things that are not easily reachable or almost seem impossible. When you have money and can travel, you've accomplished that dream. Now you get to do the traveling. He didn't realize he'd already achieved his dream of financial stability so he was re-asking for an old dream.
So I shared a very personal dream of mine with him. One that Josh and you touched on - grandchildren. I told him that the only "work" I can do to move that dream into a reality is to continually pray about it and continually work on my marriage. At first, my friend scoffed at my dream, but as he started talking about his kids, it began to sink in for him, too. He started to see how we don't have direct control of that outcome. Yet, it's a dream we both would cherish to have come true.
I also shared with him that because I feel like I didn't have a good preparation for parenthood, I unintentionally instilled fear about raising children in my kids by being a poor model (I could have been a lot better, even though friends and family tell me I was amazing - I'm really hard on myself because I don't like bad leadership). This, along with not prioritizing marriage with my wife (after 28 years, we started prioritizing it, and the kids have taken notice in our 30th year). It's not that I want to atone for my sins through my grandchildren; it's that I want to now give my kids the support and information they need to enter marriage and parenthood gracefully and confidently, so they won't feel this regret about their own kids having children.
But the only way to potentially achieve that now is through self-development/growth, marriage development, and prayer. And here's the truth: even if I do that and more, there's no guarantee I'll get even one grandchild. But if I don't put in the effort and have faith, the worst outcome is more likely to happen. So, I'd rather die trying and not see it happen than not try and have a mountain of regret for sitting on the sidelines.
I'll add you to my prayers for those grandchildren.
Wow, thank you for sharing this Bill. I got a little choked up if I'm honest. Like you, I was a little late to the game and also had to re-prioritize. I received the same feedback..."Oh you're a wonderful mother", but when God removed me from my marriage and I started to reflect on the person I was I felt great shame. I had spiritually neglected my children. I didn't really know them. I did everything for them, but didn't see them. I thought on my journey I was only going to process my failures as a wife, but then God said nope....there's much more. But how amazing we serve the God of restoration and transformation. Praise God for the growth/healing in your marriage because it is a sacred treasure. Praise God that it wasn't too late for me to influence my teenage daughter and witness Jesus in her. She said, "Mom, I do want to be a young disciple. I do want to stand out". I don't know what her future is, but right now she stands for the Lord.
Satan unfortunately has a high success rate in destroying marriages and families.....but not yours Bill! May we fall on our swords before we return to our past selves. I say yes and thank you to your prayers for me and my legacy. I will pray for you as well, your marriage, your family, your legacy, and for us to be faithful warriors of Christ.
Powerful words right there, Anne. Very powerful words. 🙏
I hear you about Satan. Just this weekend, he tried to divide my wife and me. Just as she's made huge progress with her self-growth, he tried to send her back into the cave of darkness and despair, and I almost assisted him, but we held strong. I see Satan trying to tear more successes down by removing faith. It's uncanny how folks have said, the more you lean on Christ, the harder Satan tries to pull you away from him.
I thank God He sent you to this world because YOU are an inspiration. Thank you for being here today. May God bless you and all your family.
So good! Sent this to my dad-sons to keep them encouraged to power on! Great post!
Love it and so true! Blessings brotha!
Hope you and your family are doing well!
Ooof... This WISDOM you just dispensed... I just want to cry.
I'm a few years ahead of you, age 56, with my three kids who are in their early and mid-twenties (my wife is my hero for birthing 3 out of 4). And everything, I MEAN EVERYTHING, you just laid out to bare is exactly true. At least for those of us that truly care about family, marriage, and children.
I feel like you just did a highlight reel of my life. Except you didn't take it from mine, you took it from yours, and you projected your future self with some seriously scary accuracy.
It is an honor to find a younger man with the amazing insight that you possess.
I look back and wish, with so much ferocity, that I had a wingman like you during those years. My prayer is that more young men will have mentors and wingmen to help them build strong, long-lasting families. I'm trying to help ones around me, but the catch-22 is what you identified: lack of time. Once you're the new dad in the trenches, there's very little time to slow down and process what's going on in real-time. I think we need to build a pre-dad counseling like we do premarital counseling. It is probably best administered during the full 9 months of the first pregnancy. It would be especially useful even if there's a miscarriage. That happened to my wife and me, and I was left clueless about how to support her. I still remember it like it was yesterday.
Overall, I realize now how very unprepared I was for fatherhood, yet it was something I absolutely looked forward to in my life.
Great summary of what matters most…