Becoming an Intentional Family.
Five simple practices to help your values take root at home
Most of us have values, even if we don’t always know exactly how to name them.
We have a general sense of right and wrong. We want our kids to be kind and honest. We want them to have courage, to know how to love others, to live with purpose and to grow up loving the Lord.
We try to live out our values in the way we speak, the way we correct, the way we treat each other in the house. But most of the time, that’s where it stops. We rarely take the next step to name those values out loud, to teach them intentionally, or to practice them with our kids in ways that form habits. We just hope they’re picking it up as they go. But the truth is, what’s never clearly taught is rarely deeply caught.
This isn’t a groundbreaking idea. Deep down, we know that our family won’t happen by accident. We know it needs to be shaped. But that kind of intentionality can feel overwhelming. Most of us already feel stretched thin. We’re trying to make it through the week, not go on sabbatical to write a family mission statement. And we don’t always feel like experts, either. We’re not leadership gurus or parenting coaches. We’re just trying to do our best.
At the same time, we can feel the pressure from the outside. The world our kids are growing up in is already working to shape them: through screens, friends, schools, and coaches. And even if we’re not sure what to say or how to structure it, we know we need to do something.
That’s what this is. Just five simple, practical ways to begin the journey of intentionality. No overhauls. No guilt. No need to earn a PhD in parenting strategy. Just small steps toward a family culture that honors God and teaches your values.
1. Make the Calendar a Teaching Tool
Use recurring moments (like holidays and anniversaries) as anchors for spiritual memories
In our family, we don’t want Christmas and Easter to be reduced to just chaos and candy. We want them to tell a story. That’s why we’ve started trying to use holidays as teaching moments; not by turning them into lectures, but by attaching ritual and reflection to the ones we already observe.
For Easter, we know a family that has done a simple foot-washing on Thursday afternoon to help their kids understand what Jesus did at the Last Supper, how he knelt down and served his disciples before heading to the cross. This is something we are hoping to do next year with our oldest daughter Savannah, to teach her about service and sacrifice.
On Christmas Eve, the night before presents, we bake (or buy) a birthday cake for Jesus and talk about the meaning of the incarnation. It gives our kids a way to center the day around more than consumption.
And every year around Passover, we hold a family night of remembering. No lamb or bitter herbs, just stories. We light candles, gather in the living room, and walk through moments of God’s faithfulness in our own story: the miscarriage He carried us through, the job changes He guided us through, the hard seasons in our marriage, the loss of loved ones. These stories are all written into a document for our family. We recount the same stories each year highlighting how God delivered our family just like He delivered the Israelites. We tell the stories, sometimes adding a new one to the list, then we pray and close the night. It’s become one of the most important evenings of the year.
In a world filled with meaningless attention grabbing temporary things, children (and adults) need help remembering what is eternal. These small moments help remind us that we belong to a much bigger story, one where God’s faithfulness is alive. Even surrounded by such obvious blessings, it can be so easy to forget unless you choose to stop and remember.
2. Create a Culture of Giving and Serving
Help your children experience the Gospel (not just hear about it).
We want our kids to learn to love giving and serving, not out of guilt or obligation, but because they’ve experienced and lived it with us. The Christian life is shaped by a paradox: we find our life when we give it away. If that’s true, we have to help our kids experience it, not just hear it.
On the giving side, we set aside a little money each month all year long in a savings account. Then, during the holiday season, we involve our kids in deciding where it should go. They listen to different options, ask questions, and help us choose. One year, we gave it to a missionary. Another year, we supported a shelter. As they get older we are going to be able to share with them the stories of how their giving is making a difference. This helps them to experience the blessing of giving instead of focusing on how the holiday season is about what they get from others.
On the serving side, we try to integrate small acts of service into our normal life. When we bring a meal to a family with a new baby, we let the kids help bake or decorate the card. When we go on hikes or walks, we bring a trash bag and clean up the trail explaining why we care for God’s creation. Around holidays like MLK Day, Thanksgiving, or Memorial Day, we explain the day and choose an activity like writing letters, packing care bags, or finding someone in our church we can bless. These aren’t just one-off “projects” —they’re ways of living out a life of service together.
3. Automate Your Marriage
Prevent your relationship from drifting into a roommate dynamic. Set it and forget it.
We believe strongly in putting our relationship first. When our marriage is healthy, everything else in the family is more likely to thrive. But when it’s not, it becomes almost impossible to care for everyone else. The problem is, it’s easy to let our marriage slip into a partnership of logistics. We manage schedules, divide tasks, and keep the household running— but shared to-do lists don’t build intimacy. If we want our marriage to flourish instead of just function, we have to make time to invest in each other. And most importantly, we have to plan for that time before the “check engine” light comes on.
A friend once shared their marriage rhythm with us: one date night per month, one overnight away per quarter, and one weeklong trip together per year. We’ve adopted something similar. We plan for it, budget for it, and trade childcare with friends to make it happen. Sometimes those getaways are just for fun—we’ve gone to concerts, games, or tried a new restaurant. Other times, we set aside one of those overnights for reflection and planning. Our goal is to do that at least once before the end of the year.
During that time, we look back on the past season (personally, spiritually, relationally) and work through a set of questions using Greg Basch’s “Year End Review” as our guide. We talk about what’s working, what’s not, what we’re praying for, and what we want to aim at in the year ahead. It’s not complicated, but it gives us space to recalibrate together.
We also have a simple but game-changing weekly habit: our Sunday marriage meeting. On Sunday afternoon, for about 30 minutes, we walk through logistics—date nights, homework, chores, meal plans, babysitting, calendar gaps. It helps us get all our questions answered while avoiding the feeling that every adult conversation we have needs to be about logistics. We each prepare a mini agenda, and it makes the rest of the week feel lighter.
Your marriage won’t strengthen itself. It requires intention and planning. Find a rhythm that works for you, build it into your calendar as a non-negotiable system and then just follow the plan!
4. Go All In Sometimes
When recurring discipleship routines are hard to sustain, try focusing deeply for a day or a weekend.
We all want to be more consistent with our kids. Weekly Bible time. Scheduled one-on-one talks. Regular prayers at bedtime. But sometimes life doesn’t follow our spreadsheets and guilt creeps in. You know, the kind that makes you just not try at all. That’s why I’ve found it helpful to create focused experiences that are all about connection and presence.
Dad Camp is one of those. It’s usually an intentional weekend (once a year) where I take all the kids to do all kinds of out-of-the-ordinary, rule-breaking, memory-making things. We’ve spray-painted custom t-shirts, camped out in the living room, visited four playgrounds in a single day, stayed in a hotel just for fun, and watched movies late into the night. During the long weekend, each kid also gets a special activity with me. It’s not expensive or heroic, but it is fun and memorable.
Cousin Camp is another tradition I do with my brother-in-laws. We take all our kids, (Dads only) on a long weekend and build it around Bible-themed fun. There are skits, songs, fishing, BB guns, BBQs, and late-night stories. It’s a chaos-filled discipleship retreat for kids, run by the Dads. And it’s one of the easiest ways I’ve found to create a “core memory” weekend that’s both spiritual and fun.
Going all in, even briefly, can make up for the inconsistency of daily life. These moments don’t require weekly commitment; they just require purposeful planning. And they give your kids something to remember and to get excited about each year.
5. Build Reflective Rhythms
Create spiritual and emotional communication habits that help your family connect.
One of the best daily rhythms I’ve seen is from a friend who started a dinner table practice with his grandkids. When they come over each week, there are four questions they know they’ll all be asked:
What excited you this week?
What was your low moment?
Where did you see God?
How can I pray for you?
It’s simple but brilliant. It turns mealtime into discipleship without adding anything extra to the schedule.
Candidly, we’ve felt the urge to start doing this in our own way, at dinner, during a walk or during a bedtime talk. We are finding that these questions open up doors to great conversations. My friend told me that eventually the kids begin to expect and reflect (because they know they’ll be asked). And slowly over time, it becomes easier for them to dive deep into conversation.
Whether it’s a few simple questions at dinner or the ride home from school, creating regular rhythms helps your family build muscles that don’t grow naturally. They invite reflection and honesty while also fighting back against the temptation to tune out, stare at a screen, dive into homework, or spend every afternoon watching television. Intentionality isn’t complicated but it is hard. Take small steps and you’ll be amazed what can come out of it!
Final Thought:
You don’t have to turn your entire life upside down to become a more intentional family. You don’t need to throw out everything on the calendar or start from scratch. Start with one thing: one idea that resonates, one rhythm you want to protect, one story you want your kids to grow up remembering and then build from there. Add a small ritual to a holiday that already exists. Set aside one weekend a year that’s about memory-making. Create one conversation a week around the dinner table that dives a little deeper than they are used to. This is not about doing it all at once. It never will be. This is a slow, faithful layering of culture, one practice, one decision, one season at a time.
And the good news is that these small habits really do compound. They build on each other. They start to shape the atmosphere of your home, not all at once, but over time. And eventually, that atmosphere starts to teach. It teaches your kids what matters. It equips them with instincts for how to love and serve others. And it gives them a framework to navigate the world with Godly wisdom.
So be encouraged. It is a hike. Not a sprint. Just keep moving forward.
Watch for moments of opportunity and keep stewarding them faithfully.